Parenting

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I believe parenting is the most special and important assignment we have in the world.

My wife is a great mother. I trust her with our children’s welfare. Occasionally, I get distracted with the rat race of life. Am often reminded that I may be the only one to teach my children how to respect, take responsibility, love God & others, and live an honorable life. God has entrusted me with precious gifts as our children; an opportunity to play a role in shaping the future generation. This is often not an easy task. I could be busy mentoring other people out there but if I don't start at home, then all I’m doing is a show. It's at home that I'm authentic and should be who God really wants me to be. All those people out there will move on and go back to their homes but at the end of the day, my children will always be my children. The generation I bring forth cannot be replaced by another out there. If marriage is God’s way of making two individuals better people, parenting is His way of teaching us unconditional love which is His gift to us.

We are called upon to train our children in the way they should go so they don’t depart from it. To train someone, you need a curriculum. Unfortunately, in parenting, we don’t have a curriculum. We stumble upon it. Make our share of mistakes. Sometimes you get it right and sometimes wrong. How do we do this noble, special, and important assignment? The grace is however sufficient for those who seek it. There are a lot of books on parenting out there. It's however worth noting that all these books could be a great read but if you don't become an intentional parent, then they are just too much information that you don’t need. And it’s good to know that information transfer doesn’t lead to transformation.

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Parenting is quite a responsibility. But it’s rewarding and possible to go through it and survive. Gone are the days when children were raised in a community. We now have parenting in isolation. This is dangerous. There are a number of parents who “love” their kids so much to let them interact with other people or kids. So they get exclusively raised and given great opportunities so they turn out great. But this doesn’t always yield intended results. We are born, live and thrive in the community. We are human beings and in our, DNA is a desire to connect and bloom.

I keep saying there are those who were nurtured and there are those who grew. I don’t know which side you belong. But it’s always that we are trying to copy some things from our parents in how we are parenting or avoiding it. We either want to perfect what our parents did to us or reverse it in our kids. Some of us have never experienced a parent’s love and we have no idea how to love our kids. So we shower them with gifts, things to make them know how we love them. Others want their kids to experience what they experienced growing up, to learn that life is never easy. The future of our society lies in how we choose to do this parenting business now. Your little son or girl is going to be a parent in a matter of years. They are going to be raising another generation in few years to come. What kind of a generation would you like them to raise? Be intentional and start planting those seeds. 

When I got my 1^st son, I understood the struggles my parents went through. I appreciated their efforts to do whatever little they did to me to get by. The famous joke was clear to me, "I was a good parent until I got my own children." I have a book I laugh at the title every time I see it on my bookshelf, the title is "Help! I'm a parent." By Bruce Narramore. Am yet to read it.

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Whichever way you choose to do this, the best gift you can give to your children as parents is to love and respect each other. If the children know that their parents are daily acting in the long-term best interest of each other, they will turn out well. An environment of love does magic. You know it when you are in an environment where love is missing and no one wants to be there. It’s not healthy for growth. It’s toxic, stifling and deprives people of joy and happiness that bring meaning to this life. You can love your children at the expense of their father or mother, but this will not help your children. They may like it for a while but after some time, when they know better, they will not appreciate the long-term effect it has on them. For couples raising their children together, provide a platform of love by loving each other and all shall be well with your kids. For single parents, provide a platform of love by loving your kids. Act in their long-term best interest always. I worked with young men who came from families where their fathers were never there and their idea of a father was messed up. Some of them struggled with viewing God as a father. As much as I offered myself in a small way to play the role of an older figure in their lives, I could never replace the love of a father, the place of a father and in some cases parents.

By our own efforts, we can't love. There is a source of love. What's your source?

If this resonates with you, take time to evaluate how you parent. Look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with… Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s parenting stories and experiences.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create a support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be a small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you…

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By Gabriel Odhiambo Achayo