“I had no Choice”

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I believe when under pressure from outside, we need to stop, take a break and think clearly.

Life is full of unpleasant surprises that may pressure us to make decisions that we end up regretting. It’s never that serious. This is a statement I say and I try to live by. During those moments, I strongly believe we need to rise above the situation, look beyond the situation; the big picture, step aside out of the storm and get space to think clearly. If we fail to do this, whatever we do might be disastrous especially if it’s a very crucial issue.

God is always in control of everything and nothing catches Him by surprise. God doesn’t have a crisis meeting because something He didn’t know has just happened. Something He didn’t think through. The situation might not be our preferred one but God is fully aware of what you are going through and will for sure provide a way out if only you choose to focus on Him at that point. No temptation(situation) has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

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Those who come out as wise are the ones who do not react to everything but those who respond after careful consideration and weighing out the consequences of their action. They then, responding fully are aware of the responsibility that their response brings. We admire such people and would want to be like them. We wonder how come they don’t work themselves up. How come they are calm. I believe it’s because they have chosen to always consider the bigger picture and are willing to lose the fight sometimes in order to win the war.

Allow me to borrow and paraphrase from Steve Covey’s material on The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; Reactive responses are guided by feelings, not values. When someone or something harm us we just react - without thinking. If someone slaps them on the cheek, they just burst out and box the guy in the face, without thinking, without choosing their response, they simply react. In contrast to these, Proactive choices are guided by values. Instead of just reacting you pause for a moment and select a response that is in line with your values. In our case, as followers of Jesus, we need to ask ourselves "What would Jesus do in this Situation." When we live according to Jesus’ principles, no matter what our reactions, our sinful desires, or our friends are telling us, we ought to be proactive. Remember, Proactive choices are guided by our values, not reactions.  Even if a situation or behaviour of another person is completely out of our control, we still are able to choose our response to that situation or behaviour. The ability or habit of withholding an initial reaction, such as anger or violence, in order to take a moment and reflect on the best response under the circumstance - is what we are talking about when we refer to being proactive.

I feel bad sometimes when I hear a statement like, “I had no choice” or “I had to do it.” We always have choices. Failing to exercise that freedom to choose is a choice in itself. So when you think you had no choice, you already made a choice. But if only we would stop to reconsider our choices so we respond based on our values and what we believe in, we would experience a much better outcome. The issue is, you might have no control over what life brings your way, but how you respond to that is fully your choice.

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I have found myself in situations where I react instead of responding. I later play the scenario in my head and mostly I always feel I could have done better than what I did. Maybe if I listened better, maybe if I didn’t say what I said or if I walked away from the toxic situation and came back later when am sober and clear in thought. I end up being full of “maybe” statements. Fortunate enough, I can still choose how I respond to the feeling I have at the moment.

How many times have you done something under pressure that you regretted later? What can you do differently given the same pressure again? How many times have you used the statement “I had no choice”? When was the last time you were truly intentional in a situation? How was the outcome?

As a leader and a follower of Jesus, the statement “I had no Choice” or “I had to do it”, or “they made me do it” should never appear in your vocabulary. You always have a choice. But this choice has to be informed by a particular value system that you hold high in your life. The belief system that you ascribe to. We should always be intentional, not accidental. That way we are able to fully live a life of significance and purpose. A life of impact and influence.

If this resonates with you, seek to exercise your freedom of choose in every situation. Look for a small community of friends who you can learn to do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of being proactive and intentional in all circumstances.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create a support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be a small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you…

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 By Gabriel Achayo. 

Trust

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I believe trust is the currency in any relationship. It’s one of my 5 core personal values.

Every time people want to hear the magic words, “I TRUST YOU” even if they don’t deserve it. More so in any relationship be it between two people, community, business and others. Trust is the most powerful responsibility you can put on someone. You can trust someone to disappoint you or trust them not to disappoint you.

It takes time to trust someone. I have come to appreciate that to be trusted you have to be trustworthy. You have to display an element of being worthy of others’ trust. Trust is built as a result of tiny little actions we do every day and every moment. It’s not about one big grand gesture to prove to someone or people that they can trust you but the least actions done even to those who may not deserve it.

Any relationship that is not based on trust is very expensive in time, resources, energy and it wears the people involved out. But a relationship between two trustworthy individuals who are committed to trusting each other is very progressive and rewarding. It makes life less complicated and the benefits are more than you can quantify. Once trust is betrayed by a single mistake, it’s hard to rebuild it. It’s more expensive to bring it to the level it was before the betrayal and it rarely gets back to the former level.

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Trust is more of the attitude, the why, and the how. Not much of the action. Once you make a commitment to be a trustworthy individual and be willing to extend trust to others, you have to live that out. You have to pre-decide that you are willing to face the risk of being taken advantage of, being cheated and more often than not, losing out. This is a tricky one but it’s until you count the cost, and you are willing to pay it, then you can truly trust others.

In order to be trusted, you have to demonstrate credibility, character, chemistry, and competency. All these are things you have to commit to. While chemistry might rely more on the third party, the rest are solely dependent on you. Are you credible, is your character questionable, and are you competent in whatever you are committing to. My relationships with my friends have been largely based on trust and I always believe that if you promise to do something you have to keep your word. This speaks to your credibility, character, and competency.

Allow me to give an example of my relationship with my mechanic. I trust the guy. He was referred to me by a friend. The first day I met him, we were going to Limuru to see a car I had hoped to purchase. The seller of the car had manipulated the car engine. He knew I could not understand his mother tongue, and thought he would collude with my new found friend to con me into buying the fake car he was selling. Now, I had just met this guy like in 30 minutes. I had no proof of his trustworthiness. But how he handled this situation, made me trust him. I never bought the car thanks to him. We saw other cars and he would ask questions and check things that I would not have a clue on. He shielded me from being overcharged, buying a fake car, and also from being taken advantage of. He became my guy due to the experience I had with him during that season. We developed a very trustworthy relationship with him. The day I got the car I finally bought, he had to okay it. He gave me a thumbs up on the car and I bought it. Well, the car has served me to date. And he has the history of all the maintenance and repairs that have been done on that car. I have referred a lot of people to him.

Today I just learned that he now owns two spare part shops in Industrial area. Everyone I have referred to him can attest to the kind of a guy he is. I have never been disappointed by him. If he can’t fix something, he will openly tell me he can’t but will go through the trouble of finding who will do it. As I write this today, he’s fixing my car and he has given me his car to use until mine is ready. What more can I ask from a trusted friend?

This gentleman is competent, has the character, is credible and the chemistry between us is there.

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I have a lot of relationships in my life that have been totally developed on trust. My colleagues, my mentors, my friends and I can go on and on. I have been disappointed in a number of them but I’d rather keep working on me being trustworthy and extending trust to others than the converse. I very well know that I have also disappointed those who trusted me in one way or another.

As a leader and a follower of Jesus, are you trustworthy? Are you credible? Do you have an unquestionable character? How competent are you on the things you have committed yourself to do for or with people? How are you committed to building chemistry with the people in your sphere of influence or those you would like to build any form of relationship with?

If this resonates with you, seek to be trustworthy and extend trust to others. Look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with… Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of being trustworthy individuals who are developing relationships based on trust.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create a support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be a small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you…

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By Gabriel Achayo. 

Works Vs Words

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I believe actions are better than words.

We have at some point used these words to challenge some people to do things. We attend meetings and come up with actions points. Others generate talking points. It all depends on your objective for the meeting. A friend I respect talks of NATO, No Action, Talk Only. We are all good at talking and we can really talk. I have friends who have told me they are paid to talk and so they have to be good at it. Well, that’s acceptable if that’s what your action entails. Unfortunately, we have people who would rather talk than get their hands dirty to bring forth outcomes. We don’t want to take responsibility for any action, because that’s what it’s all about. We would rather talk about it and hope that by some miracle, it works out or someone else gets it done. This applies to the basic things in life like caring for your neighbour, the transformation that we so badly need both in our lives and the lives of those we interact with, or even as basic as smiling to your neighbour, saying hello, crossing the street to hold the hands of a colleague etc. There are higher stake things like meeting the needs of your spouse, being a good parent, and the list is on and on.

We have attended many talks, seminars, workshops, training yet we are still the same. We are still experiencing the same challenges we had before encountering these amazing learning opportunities. We have information overload and certificates to prove that we have what it takes to do something. But the impact of that information on our lives is wanting. I believe information transfer does not necessarily cause transformation. You may be very knowledgeable but if that knowledge is not transmitting to how you live your life, then it's all useless. Let your lifestyle reflect what you know and believe in.

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The good book tells us, faith without works is dead. A lot of great ideas, good projects haven't seen the light of day because of NATO. Procrastination and fear of failure have made some brilliant ideas die naturally. Jesus says, let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in Heaven. It is 'works', not 'words'. Jesus is interested in our good works. Some of the things we do might not be good works. We may be doing them for our own self-interest, to prove someone wrong, to make a point that we can also do something. But in themselves, unless the Father is glorified, then we are just a busybody.

As a follower Jesus, we are called upon to love. Unfortunately, most of us love is just a concept. Something that applies and sometimes it doesn’t. We choose to apply it when it’s convenient and permissible but when it’s not we think it’s debatable. We use complicated words to explain how we should live and serve. Words such as integrity, transparency, discipline, good manners, etc are all over our conversations. All these are great words and we need to advance them. But I dare say that if only we could learn to love as we are called upon, then we would never struggle with these words. They will be irrelevant words if we just chose to make love work.

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If we had leaders who really love us, our nations would be better. Unfortunately, our leaders don’t love us, they don’t care about us. A leader who has love acts in the long-term best interest of those they lead. They would not be corrupt, they will exhibit high levels of stewardship, high levels of accountability, high levels of productivity, high levels of collaboration, they will be leaders who are willing to serve others; who are promoting justice in the community and harmonious living and co-existence. These will be leaders who add value to our lives. Anyone will be more than willing to follow such leaders and trust them with everything. As GiANT Worldwide puts it, these are the Liberators. They fight for the highest possible good of those they lead. They lead organizations everyone wants to work for.

This is love in action not love in words.

If this resonates with you, seek to make love work not just talking about it. Look for a small community of friends who you can learn to do this together with… Being accountable to a few and practising with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of making love a reality.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create a support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be a small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you…

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By Gabriel Achayo

Transformational Leadership

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 I believe in Transformational Leadership. One of my core values is transformation.

Leadership is one of the most misused words and misunderstood in our current times. We think of it in terms of titles/positions, privileges, opportunities and advantages over others. For those who don't have the opportunity to occupy a position or bear a title, they find it hard to see themselves as leaders. We describe a leader as one who is more fearless, clearer, more unlimited, wiser, and more courageous than anyone else. We gravitate towards such people and tend to surrender our ability to think and lead our lives to such people. No wonder we have communities that are caught up in an unending cycle of challenges. We experience leaders who don’t quite add value to us, when they leave, we replace them with another of the same and our challenges still remain with us. Most of us come from a background where we have not experienced a leader who really added value to our lives, who transformed us, who liberated us. We get leaders who protect, dominate or abdicate us. We are yet to really experience a liberating leader. A leader who will build a liberating culture (a culture of empowerment and opportunity) that will transform individuals, communities, and nations. This is by offering the right support and challenge.

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According to Leadership Development by Barr & Barr, “Leadership is a dynamic process of judgment and communication that guides others towards a positive personal and organizational achievement. It is the mature use of power to enable others to achieve higher goals.” In Bennis and Nanus 1985 book entitled Leaders, “Power is the basic energy needed to initiate and sustain the action or, to put it in another way, the capacity to translate intentions into reality and sustain it. Leadership is the wise use of this power: Transformative Leadership.” I have come across many definitions of leadership but this stands out for me. This is how I understand leadership. This definition applies both to personal leadership and team/group, organizational and national leadership.

Most people look forward to leadership. Unfortunately, it’s more into titles and opportunities to be able to get what we have never gotten. I would rather you look forward to creating a liberating culture as a leader and leading organizations where people want to work for. To do this, you have to be a liberator as a leader. You have to ask yourself the question of, “how can you provide support and challenge to the people you are leading?”  How can you provide support and challenge to yourself, and to your immediate circle of influence? How can you be intentional as a leader and build a culture that liberates and transforms you, and the people you lead?

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To be intentional, you have to know yourself in order to lead yourself. We all have our tendencies which are as a result of our nature; our own unique wiring and personalities. We may never change our tendencies, but we can create a pattern of actions based on our nurturing and choice to experience the kind of a reality we desire. Unless we know very well our present reality, we may never know what to desire for a different reality. This is a very intentional way of living as opposed to being accidental. We are called upon not to conform to the standards of this world but to be transformed by the renewal of our minds so we can test and approve the perfect and good will of God. The questions to ask yourself are, “what's the pattern of this world? What's the reality? What's going on in me and around me that I don't like? How do I create a pattern to liberate me and those under my influence from this present reality?” The questions to ask yourself and the people under your influence every often are:

·         What specific support and challenge do I need or do they need from me?

·         What is the tendency or pattern most undermining my influence or their influence?

·         How do I get to the next level or help them get to the next level?

Critical Questions you need to ask yourself as a young leader:

1. The people you are leading are they in any way getting better? Are you providing them with support and challenge to experience a better version of themselves? Have you helped them to know themselves in order to lead themselves? Are you still the one doing everything or can they do without you? Are you liberating them? Are you providing healing, casting out fears & inhibitions and raising them up to live out their God-given potential?

2. Are they liberated enough to go out there and want to liberate others? Are they willing to get out of your box and go do things because they feel liberated, transformed? Are they equipped enough to go out and equip others?

3. Do you know yourself to lead yourself? Are you able to be present and productive? Do you know your team/people well in order to lead them?

4. What's your personal vision and mission? Do you have a set of a belief system that guides how you live your life? What's your sense of purpose?

If this resonates with you, seek to a liberator. Look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with… Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of liberating self and others.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create a support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be a small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you…

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By Gabriel Odhiambo Achayo.

Leadership, Life and Growth Coach, certified by Lifeforming Leadership Coach (www.lifeformingcoach.com)

Senior Consultant, GiANT Worldwide (www.giantworldwide.com)

Country Coordinator, Africa Youth Leadership Forum, AYLF, Kenya