I believe trust is the currency in any relationship. It’s one of my 5 core personal values.
Every time people want to hear the magic words, “I TRUST YOU” even if they don’t deserve it. More so in any relationship be it between two people, community, business and others. Trust is the most powerful responsibility you can put on someone. You can trust someone to disappoint you or trust them not to disappoint you.
It takes time to trust someone. I have come to appreciate that to be trusted you have to be trustworthy. You have to display an element of being worthy of others’ trust. Trust is built as a result of tiny little actions we do every day and every moment. It’s not about one big grand gesture to prove to someone or people that they can trust you but the least actions done even to those who may not deserve it.
Any relationship that is not based on trust is very expensive in time, resources, energy and it wears the people involved out. But a relationship between two trustworthy individuals who are committed to trusting each other is very progressive and rewarding. It makes life less complicated and the benefits are more than you can quantify. Once trust is betrayed by a single mistake, it’s hard to rebuild it. It’s more expensive to bring it to the level it was before the betrayal and it rarely gets back to the former level.
Trust is more of the attitude, the why, and the how. Not much of the action. Once you make a commitment to be a trustworthy individual and be willing to extend trust to others, you have to live that out. You have to pre-decide that you are willing to face the risk of being taken advantage of, being cheated and more often than not, losing out. This is a tricky one but it’s until you count the cost, and you are willing to pay it, then you can truly trust others.
In order to be trusted, you have to demonstrate credibility, character, chemistry, and competency. All these are things you have to commit to. While chemistry might rely more on the third party, the rest are solely dependent on you. Are you credible, is your character questionable, and are you competent in whatever you are committing to. My relationships with my friends have been largely based on trust and I always believe that if you promise to do something you have to keep your word. This speaks to your credibility, character, and competency.
Allow me to give an example of my relationship with my mechanic. I trust the guy. He was referred to me by a friend. The first day I met him, we were going to Limuru to see a car I had hoped to purchase. The seller of the car had manipulated the car engine. He knew I could not understand his mother tongue, and thought he would collude with my new found friend to con me into buying the fake car he was selling. Now, I had just met this guy like in 30 minutes. I had no proof of his trustworthiness. But how he handled this situation, made me trust him. I never bought the car thanks to him. We saw other cars and he would ask questions and check things that I would not have a clue on. He shielded me from being overcharged, buying a fake car, and also from being taken advantage of. He became my guy due to the experience I had with him during that season. We developed a very trustworthy relationship with him. The day I got the car I finally bought, he had to okay it. He gave me a thumbs up on the car and I bought it. Well, the car has served me to date. And he has the history of all the maintenance and repairs that have been done on that car. I have referred a lot of people to him.
Today I just learned that he now owns two spare part shops in Industrial area. Everyone I have referred to him can attest to the kind of a guy he is. I have never been disappointed by him. If he can’t fix something, he will openly tell me he can’t but will go through the trouble of finding who will do it. As I write this today, he’s fixing my car and he has given me his car to use until mine is ready. What more can I ask from a trusted friend?
This gentleman is competent, has the character, is credible and the chemistry between us is there.
I have a lot of relationships in my life that have been totally developed on trust. My colleagues, my mentors, my friends and I can go on and on. I have been disappointed in a number of them but I’d rather keep working on me being trustworthy and extending trust to others than the converse. I very well know that I have also disappointed those who trusted me in one way or another.
As a leader and a follower of Jesus, are you trustworthy? Are you credible? Do you have an unquestionable character? How competent are you on the things you have committed yourself to do for or with people? How are you committed to building chemistry with the people in your sphere of influence or those you would like to build any form of relationship with?
If this resonates with you, seek to be trustworthy and extend trust to others. Look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with… Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of being trustworthy individuals who are developing relationships based on trust. You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create a support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be a small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.
Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you…
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