I believe our behavior is as a result of a combination of nature, nurture, and choice. Every time we interact with someone or see a particular behavior, we are interacting with a combination of nature, nurture, and choice in different proportions. The question we have to ask ourselves is what of the three do we give power over us, nature, nurture or choice.
Nature is the personality type, the person we are, the person God has created us. We are either extroverted or introverted; we are either thinkers or feelers, Sensors or Intuitors. We are either judgers or perceiver. We have particular preferences which come easily to us due to who we are. We are uniquely gifted in particular ways. Personally, I am Introverted, Sensor, Feeler, and Judger. This makes me interact, take in information, process information and live my life in a particular way different from someone who has a different personality type. This speaks a lot to my preference. It doesn’t mean I can’t be the others; I can be, but it's a lot of effort for me. My preferred style comes naturally to me, but I have to be intentional on my least preferred style. It's got something to do with where I was born when I was born, and all these things that I might have no control over but in essence affect me a lot. They play a role in my life. Personality type doesn't dictate behavior, but it sure does influence.
Nurture has got to do with how I was raised. Who have been my mentors, role models, spiritual guides? What are my dreams, my education, my faith, my parenting? Did I have strong intentional parenting and vice versa? What have I exposed myself to? What are the key lessons I have picked along the way? Who have been my friends, who have been those people that I have allowed to speak into my life? These have shaped my life and have given me a new paradigm, a different perspective, a different way of thinking and life. I see things differently because of my nurturing. I might have the same nature as someone, but due to my nurturing, I might have a different experience and life pattern. My desire to be a follower of Jesus and to nurture leaders who will commit to following Jesus have predisposed me to a different way of living. If I reflect back to the teenager me and the 37-year-old me, a lot has changed in my life, and all this is due to nurture.
Most people have significantly used choice. Some people have misused it, others have taken advantage of it to achieve amazing results. There are two schools of thoughts; one is that we always have choices in every circumstance while another is our choices are not really choices but are limited by something beyond our control. Whatever school of thought you have, we can't ignore the role of choice in our lives. The choices we make help us override both nature and nurture. We may have two people with the same nature and nurture but how they respond to a particular situation will most probably be different. There are cases where our nature and nurture might limit the possibilities of choices we have. When I was getting married, I had to make hard choices on how the whole journey from negotiation to the actual wedding and finally how to bring up my family was going to be done. This was dictated much by my nature and nurture. My situation gave me different scenarios that I had to deal with compared to others 29-year-olds who were getting married seven years ago. So my ability to choose was within my prevailing circumstances brought about as a result of my nature and nurture.
An understanding of this is critical so that in your dealing with people and also living your life, you can understand what is really driving your behavior. To what level are you choosing or letting your nature and nurture drive your behavior.
Are you aware of your tendencies that are as a result of a combination of nature, nurture, and choice? How are those tendencies influencing your actions, which is leading to some consequences and in turn has led to a particular reality you find yourself in now?
As a leader, who is intentional in following Jesus, how are nature, nurture, and choice affecting your behavior? How many times do you find yourself blaming your nature and nurture for your faults? How has following Jesus affected your nurturing and choices over the years? Are you intentional or accidental?
If this resonates with you, take time to reflect on your nature, nurture and choice. Look for a small community of friends who you can learn to do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It's about building a community of friends to share each other's journey of living an intentional life for better leadership behavior. You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be a small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.
Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you…
By Gabriel Odhiambo Achayo
Senior Consultant, GiANT Worldwide (www.giantworldwide.com)
GiANT.TV/gabrielachayo
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