Image Credits: Men Vs. Women
This is a contentious topic, and I am not sure even where to start giving my opinion on it. First, I believe all men and women are human beings worthy of respect and honor. Women, as well as men, are specially endowed with unique abilities to thrive in their fields of interests. Occasionally I get into a conversation about what men can do women can do better. While this has some truth to it, it's not entirely accurate and should not, in any case, be used to make either gender look disadvantaged.
I acknowledge that we come from a place where women have been disadvantaged, treated unfairly and to a greater extent abused. It’s needless to say that men have equally faced their share of challenges. I would also like to state that as much as there should be no clear mandatory roles for men and women but as nature has it, there are things that women and only women enjoy and find pleasure in doing while there are things that men equally will be affirmed and validated if they are engaged in such. So the battle between the sexes is a misleading battle that is meant to attack the fabric of what our society is. To attack the harmony that will only be realized if there is cooperation between the genders in making the society a better place.
When you have women fighting to be like men and perform what men can do, am tempted to ask, who will do those duties that naturally they are wired to do. Who will do them? In turn, you find a confusion because 50% of the population is trying to be like the other 50% and hence an imbalanced society. A confused society where we can’t realize value from each other’s contribution.
It's obvious that if you have a group of 3yr olds; boys and girls, observe how they behave and play their games, you will see a clear difference. This speaks into how different they are. And so trying to make them like the other is shooting ourselves on foot. Is deciding to make your right hand do what your left hand is meant to do. We need both the hands to bring in their best unique, valuable contribution to make the task fun, rewarding and productive. Granted, women are wired differently from us. And I dare say; women are more conscious of the fact that they are growing old every day that passes on compared to men. Men would like to imagine they are young forever. That's why women think more about what the future has, what are we doing now to secure a better future. Men, on the other hand, find joy in the fact that they can do something to impress the woman. So, is it not evident that we are better together. Not against each other or making the other feel useless.
After being married for close to 8 years now and God blessing us with two amazing boys. I have come to appreciate how best we can bring value to each other. My wife is not trying to be me and me not trying to be my wife, but with a clear understanding that we are all in this to make each other win. We are all striving for 100X marriage, not 100+. We are both fighting for the highest possible good of each other. A fantastic part of us being together has been the synergy we experience when it comes to serving God in the way he has given us the opportunity to. I clearly wouldn't be where I am if not for my wife. I keep telling her that a lot of people are committed to AYLF because of her. If it were not for her, some people wouldn’t have found value in AYLF. Am not just saying this to be politically (marriagically) correct, but you could ask a lot of AYLF ladies about this, and I would like to know their answers. Clearly, there is something unique that only my wife can do, I can't even try to replicate her, even if you took me to seminars, or workshops to learn it. It’s wired in her. I believe there are also things in AYLF that am good at and I can do them well. This makes us win in AYLF.
I don’t know about you but instead of wasting time looking for ways of outsmarting the opposite gender, I’d rather we spend our time in understanding what contribution can we bring to complement each other and focus on bringing that. This calls for being a secure person.
This is a conversation worth advancing so we don't lose out our society in the name of achieving an elusive idea of being like the other. It's unfortunate that most people who push these gender conversations are people who are either struggling with failed marriages, are divorced or are single; not yet married. A better understanding of the roles of men and women is clearly understood in the context of a working marriage. A marriage between two adults who know why they are married and are committed to each other. Two adults who are fighting for the highest possible good of each other. These conversations need to be advanced by married people who are finding joy in being with their spouses and letting their spouses bring their best into the marriage. Not the other way round. And no act or law can legislate it enough. It’s a conversation that people who appreciate it are the ones who need to engage in it in order to move the needle.
If this resonates with you, go ahead to evaluate your understanding of the opposite gender. Find a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be a small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.
Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.
By Gabriel Achayo.
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