NO & YES

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I believe "NO" is the second best answer to "YES."

Most of us want to hear "YES" to almost everything we ask for. YES, means it's ok. Go ahead, you have got what you wanted, etc, etc.… The next best answer to this is "NO." As much as it's always disappointing, but it lets you know what next. I hate to be told "Let me think about it," "I'll get back to you," or "wait." Especially if it's coming from someone, I have no level of trust with. Sometimes the person giving this kind of answers uses it for their selfish gain, to buy time, show their power over me, manipulate me or they are just avoiding the "NO“ answer. I hate to be in the “wait” position when you are not sure what you are waiting for.

A clear "NO" lets me know I can move on and focus on something else or maybe start all over again or forget about the issue altogether. I'd rather be told NO if YES isn’t possible than being kept in the dark. Being left in the guess workroom and wondering what could they be thinking, guessing what have I said wrong, what did I say or didn’t I say, what’s happening; especially when the stakes are high and my next steps are depended on it.

I however clearly understand that in some circumstances where other factors have to play out before we are aware of what response to give. But if you are selfishly just keeping me on a waiting pattern so that I see how important you are or you gain your own mileage, then I’d rather you give me my response early. Stop pulling my leg.

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I have dealt with people who are afraid of telling me NO, so they tell me a YES, then later I realize they can’t do what they committed to. This is another annoying thing. Or they had their own reasons for telling me YES then later I find out, that they did not fully mean what they committed to and they are not willing to honor their word. Not that I’m a good one at this, but in my struggles of leadership growth, I have come to really appreciate clear answers. You would rather tell me NO, then later surprise me with a YES, than tell me a YES, then I put all my eggs in your basket then later I’m frustrated and disappointed. You are probably thinking now, but what if things change and circumstances and factors change. You are right; that's why communication is key. Assuming that I will understand when I'm already regretting why I even trusted you to do something in the first place is not possible. The minute you realize things are not the way they seemed when you committed and you realize that you can no longer honor your YES, the best thing is to communicate. I perfectly understand that life happens.

I used to be addicted to YES. I would say YES due to fear of missing out. I’d say YES because I don’t want to disappoint someone. I once had a lady friend who I had hoped to date but never agreed to date me, she came to me, way after university, to let me know why she couldn't date me.Her reason was due to one of my major weakness that I needed to learn how to deal with;over committing to too many things. Saying YES to almost everything I'm asked to do. I had no life; I was running like a headless chicken pleasing everyone else but me. At one point in my life, I experienced a burnout, and it was not nice. My friends told me to take a two weeks break and never show up for the two weeks. Best advice ever. I took time away, rested and realized, I didn’t have to be doing everything, saying YES to everything and that I could say NO and things will still move. Other people can step in. 

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Most of us say YES to almost everything probably because we have our own personal issues we are dealing with. As leaders, it’s important to be very clear what you say YES or NO to. Sometimes the best answer is always NO. Don’t be afraid to say it. You don’t have to solve everyone’s problems. Don’t keep people guessing and wondering because you want to sweat them out or for your selfish reasons. NO answer coming from the context of love is more preferred than a YES answer coming from a place of betrayal, selfish interest, personal issues, etc.

We are encouraged, let your YES be YES and your NO be NO. But if you have to stretch it, you can say NO, then once you are clear of things and you realize YES is possible, go ahead and say YES. If in case you said YES and things change, and you can no longer commit to your YES, please communicate to the people involved in the circumstances. Assumptions are very dangerous, and from experience, I have seen disappointments in relationships, at work, in organizations and everywhere because we assumed people will understand. Don't Assume, be clear, be intentional. 

Let you YES BE YES, AND YOUR NO BE NO.

If this resonates with you, seek to exercise your freedom of letting your YES BE YES and NO BE NO. Look for a small community of friends who you can learn to do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of being proactive and intentional in all circumstances.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be as small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.  

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you…

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Love must be real

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I believe that it is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

Love is easy to say but hard to live out or practice. We are very quick to tell someone we love them, but unless we give meaning to the word by actually practicing it, all we say is nothing. Love is a doing word; it's an action. We have to express it through our presence and actions. 

Love is a command from God. Not an option. Not something relative. It is the only way we can experience the Kingdom of God on earth. Whichever way you look at it, it’s a must, no option. For us to enjoy and be of significance in this world, we have to love. No way out.

We all have different ways we appreciate to be loved. Ways we desire to be loved. Unfortunately, this is not only one way, but even those around us also want to be loved their way. They have the things they wish could be done to them, so they experience love. The battle with perfect love is then to Love the way those around us want us to love them and also to be loved the way we want to be loved. The struggle goes even further when deep in our hearts we know how we want to love others but it's either not being appreciated, or we are not able to give it as we wish. We fall short.

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Words are powerful, and some who understand the power behind what they confess have used it for their benefit in many ways. But merely using words with no equivalent action, might not carry the much weight. Someone whose words accompany his actions is more trustworthy than the one whose words and actions don't match. For God so loved the world that he gave. He didn't stop at just letting us know that he loves us, he went ahead and made the ultimate sacrifice, he gave. In fact, those of us who have people we love, the action part is not an excuse. Giving is the ultimate expression of love. Whether it’s time, resources, information, affection it shows that we are committed to acting in the long term best interest of the person on the receiving end. Just merely having good intentions towards someone is not love. 

The world does not need more love; it needs more lovers. It needs more people who will do unto others as they would be done unto. People who will act in the long term best interest of those around them. People who will let those around them experience the Kingdom of God. The kingdom of Love. A kingdom where love reigns. Where love is the language, and it's the philosophy — a kingdom where love is the norm and is the way of life.

What if we loved each other a little bit more? What if we all committed to being lovers? What if love was abundant in our hearts that we went around spreading it? What if the motivation of all we did was love? What if the world was full of lovely human beings who are lovable? What if we gave of ourselves to the idea of love and its meaning?

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In AYLF, one of the things we emphasize always is love. This is clear in all our five core values which are: Friendships, Community of Compassion, Reconciliation, faithfulness, and integrity. These values are inspired by a desire to see love become our DNA.

I don't know about you, but my struggle is to love in this fallen world. I have made a commitment to that. Sometimes I fall short. But my commitment remains, that I will be a creature of love. So help me God.

                                
If this resonates with you, go ahead to evaluate how you love. Then look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It's about building a community of friends to share each other's journey of love.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be as small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.

Passion

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I believe people with a passion can change the world for the better.

Passion breeds commitment. Commitment is very crucial for any journey. 80% percent of success in any process is by showing up. You can’t keep showing up unless you have some level of commitment in what you are engaged in. A course that is focused on making the world a better place need commitment because it's not going to be easy and pleasant. The journey will be full of moments you are not even sure what you are doing. You might question yourself and even feel like finding something else to do, something tangible that you can easily explain to people. During those times, it’s the passion you have for what you do that will keep you fresh and going. Without any inner drive, you won’t even wake up to face your world.

Passion is the inner drive. That which we can’t fully explain but those around us can see it in our words, non-verbal and actions. External forces might not be sufficient to keep you on that road of a better world, but passion will. You may not be sure what your passion is, what you feel strongly and emotionally attached to. Something that makes you come alive when you start talking about it: you can talk a whole day and will feel energized on that. Given a chance and if there were no pressures of life, you would engage in that thing till God decides otherwise.

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I'm a passionate man. My passion is around people and leadership. I gravitate towards developing young leaders. I believe leadership is everything and it’s a state of mind. I believe young people still have an appetite for new ideas. They are not jaded and full of cynicism. They still believe in a better future and are somewhat committed to it. I believe you can teach a young dog new trick or bend the reed when it’s still young. This passion was not always the case, but when I discovered it, and an opportunity came to engage, I jumped right in and I have kept on digging deeper in this. Am grateful to people who believe in me to help me develop this passion. Actually, in my case, the opportunity came first then I discovered my passion was in that opportunity. So as they say, I passionately engaged in that opportunity, and I discovered my life journey. To some people, it might be the other way round. Just be careful not to sit around waiting for your passion or be dragged into things just for the sake of money, fame and other material things that are here today and tomorrow are gone. 

An opportunity to engage in building my passion came as a failure in one area of my life. Something I had believed was what my life would be about, becoming an engineer. I failed, and I couldn’t believe it. It took God and friends to help me go through the process of forgiving myself for failing. Something about me; I get bothered so much about what people say and think about me. So when I failed, it was all over my face how people would respond to that. God being a loving father that He is, brought my way a friend whom I wish I could get a chance to meet again so we can celebrate what God has done and is still doing. He helped me appreciate the fact that I have to forgive myself and that God might be having other ideas about my life. I clung onto that and remained open-minded. Months later, I called a Reverend I had met for something I was following up on. It turns out; this would be the opportunity God would use to direct my life in a way I had never imagined. I had never given the idea of leadership much thought by then. The Reverend, threw me on the deep end and I had to raise up to the occasion. From this, came the Africa Youth Leadership Forum, AYLF Kenya Chapter www.aylfkenya.org and now a new addition to my ever budding passion for leadership development is GiANT Worldwide www.giantworldwide.com. Am also a life, leadership and growth Coach.                      

I believe my passion for leadership has sparked something in people’s lives, especially young leaders through AYLF. AYLF might not in itself change the world, maybe it will. But I see people come through AYLF who go out there to do great things. Others discover their passions through AYLF or are able to build it through AYLF. Whatever the case, the world will be a better place if we nurture a breed of leaders who will be worth following. 

Have you discovered your passion yet? Is there any opportunity God could be bringing your way so He can reveal to you what this thing is? What feedback do you receive from those close to you about what could be your passion? What is the one thing you could do for free and never bother whether you are compensated? What makes you come alive? What gives you satisfaction at the end of the day? What is this thing that your heart is totally sold out to? It could be anything from your career, vocation, hobby, to desires. Take time to intentionally find it.

If this resonates with you, seek to discover your passion. Look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of discovering and living out your passions.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be a small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.

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By

Gabriel Odhiambo Achayo.

Leadership, Life and Growth Coach, certified by Lifeforming Leadership Coach (www.lifeformingcoach.com)

Senior Consultant, GiANT Worldwide (www.giantworldwide.com)

Gabriel.achayo@giantworldwide.com

Country Coordinator, Africa Youth Leadership Forum, AYLF, Kenya