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| Image Credits: https://www.shutterstock.com |
I believe
"NO" is the second best answer to "YES."
Most of us want to
hear "YES" to almost everything we ask for. YES, means it's ok. Go
ahead, you have got what you wanted, etc, etc.… The next best answer to this is
"NO." As much as it's always disappointing, but it lets you know what
next. I hate to be told "Let me think about it," "I'll get back
to you," or "wait." Especially if it's coming from someone, I
have no level of trust with. Sometimes the person giving this kind of answers
uses it for their selfish gain, to buy time, show their power over me,
manipulate me or they are just avoiding the "NO“ answer. I hate to be in
the “wait” position when you are not sure what you are waiting for.
A clear "NO"
lets me know I can move on and focus on something else or maybe start all over
again or forget about the issue altogether. I'd rather be told NO if YES isn’t
possible than being kept in the dark. Being left in the guess workroom and
wondering what could they be thinking, guessing what have I said wrong, what
did I say or didn’t I say, what’s happening; especially when the stakes are
high and my next steps are depended on it.
I however clearly
understand that in some circumstances where other factors have to play out
before we are aware of what response to give. But if you are selfishly just
keeping me on a waiting pattern so that I see how important you are or you gain
your own mileage, then I’d rather you give me my response early. Stop pulling
my leg.
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| Image Credit: https://www.alamy.com |
I have dealt with
people who are afraid of telling me NO, so they tell me a YES, then later I
realize they can’t do what they committed to. This is another annoying thing.
Or they had their own reasons for telling me YES then later I find out, that
they did not fully mean what they committed to and they are not willing to
honor their word. Not that I’m a good one at this, but in my struggles of
leadership growth, I have come to really appreciate clear answers. You would
rather tell me NO, then later surprise me with a YES, than tell me a YES, then
I put all my eggs in your basket then later I’m frustrated and disappointed.
You are probably thinking now, but what if things change and circumstances and
factors change. You are right; that's why communication is key. Assuming that I
will understand when I'm already regretting why I even trusted you to do something
in the first place is not possible. The minute you realize things are not the way
they seemed when you committed and you realize that you can no longer honor
your YES, the best thing is to communicate. I perfectly understand that life
happens.
I used to be addicted to
YES. I would say YES due to fear of missing out. I’d say YES because I don’t
want to disappoint someone. I once had a lady friend who I had hoped to date but never agreed
to date me, she came to me, way after university, to let me know why she couldn't date me.Her reason was due to one of my major weakness that I needed to learn how to deal with;over committing to too many things. Saying YES to almost everything I'm asked
to do. I had no life; I was running like a headless chicken pleasing everyone
else but me. At one point in my life, I experienced a burnout, and it was not
nice. My friends told me to take a two weeks break and never show up for the
two weeks. Best advice ever. I took time away, rested and realized, I didn’t
have to be doing everything, saying YES to everything and that I could say NO
and things will still move. Other people can step in.
Most of us say YES to
almost everything probably because we have our own personal issues we are
dealing with. As leaders, it’s important to be very clear what you say YES or
NO to. Sometimes the best answer is always NO. Don’t be afraid to say it. You
don’t have to solve everyone’s problems. Don’t keep people guessing and wondering
because you want to sweat them out or for your selfish reasons. NO answer
coming from the context of love is more preferred than a YES answer coming from
a place of betrayal, selfish interest, personal issues, etc.
We are encouraged, let
your YES be YES and your NO be NO. But if you have to stretch it, you can say
NO, then once you are clear of things and you realize YES is possible, go ahead
and say YES. If in case you said YES and things change, and you can no longer
commit to your YES, please communicate to the people involved in the
circumstances. Assumptions are very dangerous, and from experience, I have seen
disappointments in relationships, at work, in organizations and everywhere
because we assumed people will understand. Don't Assume, be clear, be
intentional.
Let you YES BE YES, AND YOUR NO BE NO.
If this resonates with
you, seek to exercise your freedom of letting your YES BE YES and NO BE NO.
Look for a small community of friends who you can learn to do this together
with. Being accountable to a few and
practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each
other’s journey of being proactive and intentional in all circumstances. You have to be deeply committed to each other
and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support,
encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to
be as small as possible so that there is active engagement by all
involved.
Find a community around you
and see if these conversations make sense to you…
Image Credits: http://www.businessmalawi.com
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