Money and Relationship

I believe money should not break relationships.

Relationship and money in most cases are like oil and water. Some people have declared that they will never lend or borrow money to or from friends. I find this to be disturbing. I believe that it's actually from friends that when you need a quick bail, you can run to them. This, of course, has to be based on trust.

I have lost many friends because of money related issues. Either the feeling that they lack it or they have borrowed and failed to return or any other issues that make the interaction very tricky. This is unfortunate. I'm a firm believer that a problem that money can solve is not a problem. Now, depending on how you view this statement, you can argue it the whole day. There are real problems that money can’t solve. No matter how much you have.

The unfortunate scenario also is where our attitude, behaviour, and desire towards money has made us hurt the ones we care about. Your pursuit and search for more money leave a trail of destruction. This is very troubling. You end up losing all the money you worked so hard to acquire, trying to solve problems that money can't solve. This leaves you wasted. 

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I remember in September 2016; I had an encounter that came to mind today. I had a supplier who we had dealt with for over 5 years. This very day, I asked the supplier to extend me a line of credit so I can go ahead and do what I need to get done then we would settle it. The supplier refused completely and wasn’t even willing to listen to me. It made me feel like our 5-year interaction had meant nothing. I had to get another supplier who was willing and ready to help out. You can choose to argue this differently, but I believe that money should not mess up a productive relationship. I believe even if you are to refuse to extend credit for any reason, the way you communicate it should not lead to you losing a client you have had for 5 years.

Another scenario played itself in a different case. I recently had to stop going to a particular barber because I realized he was more interested in my money than me. He would look for an opportunity to make sure I leave as much money as possible with him. Again, this is not wrong, but if it's clearly evident that you are seeing me as your ATM and the more you can squeeze out of me the better for you, then I will be gone. He lost me as a client because I found somewhere that I could feel valued and appreciated for going there rather than for the money I’m bringing. Let money be treated for what it is, a means to an end. Many experiences have left me wondering whether I'm naïve or not. 

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I try to give a tip when I receive a good service. For me, service comes first. My relationship with you comes first. But if I realize that you are just out for my money, I will not be interested in your service. You offer excellent service; you open an opportunity for a more meaningful relationship that could lead to more money. You focus more on money; you may lose the relationship even before it starts.

Money is just a means to an end, acquire it but let it not acquire you. Don’t lose a relationship because of your appetite for money. You will not find meaning in this life if everything around you is about how much money you can get in every interaction you have.

This article is tricky because I know there is a school of thought which implies that without money you are done. Trust me; I have experienced a lot of things in my life that I couldn’t afford. They have come to me not because I had the money to buy them, but because of the depth of the relational trust that exists. Some of these relationships and trust have taken me years and sacrifice to build. Some of them are out of extended trust; a referral by a trusted party. Some of them turn out good others don’t. Whichever the case, I don’t know how to do it another way.

If this resonates with you, go ahead to evaluate your money and relationship paradigm. Look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practising with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s challenges in handling money and relationship issues.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create a support, encouragement, and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be as small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.

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By Gabriel Odhiambo Achayo