Love must be real

Image Credits: https://quotefancy.com/quote/10472/Mother-Teresa

I believe that it is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

Love is easy to say but hard to live out or practice. We are very quick to tell someone we love them, but unless we give meaning to the word by actually practicing it, all we say is nothing. Love is a doing word; it's an action. We have to express it through our presence and actions. 

Love is a command from God. Not an option. Not something relative. It is the only way we can experience the Kingdom of God on earth. Whichever way you look at it, it’s a must, no option. For us to enjoy and be of significance in this world, we have to love. No way out.

We all have different ways we appreciate to be loved. Ways we desire to be loved. Unfortunately, this is not only one way, but even those around us also want to be loved their way. They have the things they wish could be done to them, so they experience love. The battle with perfect love is then to Love the way those around us want us to love them and also to be loved the way we want to be loved. The struggle goes even further when deep in our hearts we know how we want to love others but it's either not being appreciated, or we are not able to give it as we wish. We fall short.

Image Credits: https://blog.thewellnessuniverse.com/the-power-of-words/
 

Words are powerful, and some who understand the power behind what they confess have used it for their benefit in many ways. But merely using words with no equivalent action, might not carry the much weight. Someone whose words accompany his actions is more trustworthy than the one whose words and actions don't match. For God so loved the world that he gave. He didn't stop at just letting us know that he loves us, he went ahead and made the ultimate sacrifice, he gave. In fact, those of us who have people we love, the action part is not an excuse. Giving is the ultimate expression of love. Whether it’s time, resources, information, affection it shows that we are committed to acting in the long term best interest of the person on the receiving end. Just merely having good intentions towards someone is not love. 

The world does not need more love; it needs more lovers. It needs more people who will do unto others as they would be done unto. People who will act in the long term best interest of those around them. People who will let those around them experience the Kingdom of God. The kingdom of Love. A kingdom where love reigns. Where love is the language, and it's the philosophy — a kingdom where love is the norm and is the way of life.

What if we loved each other a little bit more? What if we all committed to being lovers? What if love was abundant in our hearts that we went around spreading it? What if the motivation of all we did was love? What if the world was full of lovely human beings who are lovable? What if we gave of ourselves to the idea of love and its meaning?

Image Credits: http://www.momsalute.com

In AYLF, one of the things we emphasize always is love. This is clear in all our five core values which are: Friendships, Community of Compassion, Reconciliation, faithfulness, and integrity. These values are inspired by a desire to see love become our DNA.

I don't know about you, but my struggle is to love in this fallen world. I have made a commitment to that. Sometimes I fall short. But my commitment remains, that I will be a creature of love. So help me God.

                                
If this resonates with you, go ahead to evaluate how you love. Then look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It's about building a community of friends to share each other's journey of love.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be as small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.

Passion

Image Credits: https://www.pktfuel.com/the-power-of-passion/

I believe people with a passion can change the world for the better.

Passion breeds commitment. Commitment is very crucial for any journey. 80% percent of success in any process is by showing up. You can’t keep showing up unless you have some level of commitment in what you are engaged in. A course that is focused on making the world a better place need commitment because it's not going to be easy and pleasant. The journey will be full of moments you are not even sure what you are doing. You might question yourself and even feel like finding something else to do, something tangible that you can easily explain to people. During those times, it’s the passion you have for what you do that will keep you fresh and going. Without any inner drive, you won’t even wake up to face your world.

Passion is the inner drive. That which we can’t fully explain but those around us can see it in our words, non-verbal and actions. External forces might not be sufficient to keep you on that road of a better world, but passion will. You may not be sure what your passion is, what you feel strongly and emotionally attached to. Something that makes you come alive when you start talking about it: you can talk a whole day and will feel energized on that. Given a chance and if there were no pressures of life, you would engage in that thing till God decides otherwise.

Image Credit: https://lonewolfmag.com/when-opportunity-knocks/

I'm a passionate man. My passion is around people and leadership. I gravitate towards developing young leaders. I believe leadership is everything and it’s a state of mind. I believe young people still have an appetite for new ideas. They are not jaded and full of cynicism. They still believe in a better future and are somewhat committed to it. I believe you can teach a young dog new trick or bend the reed when it’s still young. This passion was not always the case, but when I discovered it, and an opportunity came to engage, I jumped right in and I have kept on digging deeper in this. Am grateful to people who believe in me to help me develop this passion. Actually, in my case, the opportunity came first then I discovered my passion was in that opportunity. So as they say, I passionately engaged in that opportunity, and I discovered my life journey. To some people, it might be the other way round. Just be careful not to sit around waiting for your passion or be dragged into things just for the sake of money, fame and other material things that are here today and tomorrow are gone. 

An opportunity to engage in building my passion came as a failure in one area of my life. Something I had believed was what my life would be about, becoming an engineer. I failed, and I couldn’t believe it. It took God and friends to help me go through the process of forgiving myself for failing. Something about me; I get bothered so much about what people say and think about me. So when I failed, it was all over my face how people would respond to that. God being a loving father that He is, brought my way a friend whom I wish I could get a chance to meet again so we can celebrate what God has done and is still doing. He helped me appreciate the fact that I have to forgive myself and that God might be having other ideas about my life. I clung onto that and remained open-minded. Months later, I called a Reverend I had met for something I was following up on. It turns out; this would be the opportunity God would use to direct my life in a way I had never imagined. I had never given the idea of leadership much thought by then. The Reverend, threw me on the deep end and I had to raise up to the occasion. From this, came the Africa Youth Leadership Forum, AYLF Kenya Chapter www.aylfkenya.org and now a new addition to my ever budding passion for leadership development is GiANT Worldwide www.giantworldwide.com. Am also a life, leadership and growth Coach.                      

I believe my passion for leadership has sparked something in people’s lives, especially young leaders through AYLF. AYLF might not in itself change the world, maybe it will. But I see people come through AYLF who go out there to do great things. Others discover their passions through AYLF or are able to build it through AYLF. Whatever the case, the world will be a better place if we nurture a breed of leaders who will be worth following. 

Have you discovered your passion yet? Is there any opportunity God could be bringing your way so He can reveal to you what this thing is? What feedback do you receive from those close to you about what could be your passion? What is the one thing you could do for free and never bother whether you are compensated? What makes you come alive? What gives you satisfaction at the end of the day? What is this thing that your heart is totally sold out to? It could be anything from your career, vocation, hobby, to desires. Take time to intentionally find it.

If this resonates with you, seek to discover your passion. Look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of discovering and living out your passions.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be a small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.

Image Credits: https://www.goodfreephotos.com

By

Gabriel Odhiambo Achayo.

Leadership, Life and Growth Coach, certified by Lifeforming Leadership Coach (www.lifeformingcoach.com)

Senior Consultant, GiANT Worldwide (www.giantworldwide.com)

Gabriel.achayo@giantworldwide.com

Country Coordinator, Africa Youth Leadership Forum, AYLF, Kenya

The 5 Voices

www. giantworldwide.com

In this article, I’d like to introduce you to something that might make you want more. I’d like to help you start a journey of self-awareness. A journey of discovering your Leadership Voice. All of us have natural leadership Voice and that which we struggle with. We would rather not engage in it, but probably due to the nature of our work or daily engagement, we find ourselves stuck in it. We end up drained and exhausted with a continuous wish that someone would rescue us from what we do every day.

Let me start by stating this, everyone speaks, but not everyone is heard. Every now and then, someone is communicating something, either verbally or non-verbally. They are either avoiding something or engaging in it. Unfortunately, because of our personal biases, self-preservation or perceptions, we tend to ignore those speaking to us. Either we don't recognize how they are communicating, or we don't like it.

According to GiANT Worldwide, a company that is committed to raising the standards of leadership by building leaders worth following; Leaders we want to follow not the ones we have to follow, there are 5 Leadership Voices. These Voice are; Nurturer, Creative, Connector, Guardian, and Pioneer. Don’t be quick to assume you know what these words mean and you start labeling people. You have to put into consideration the fact that our behavior is composed of Nature, Nurture and Choice. So don’t think since you know someone’s nature or nurture, you can now predict their response every time. We have been in situations when people did things that shocked us, and we were left wondering where did that come from.

www. giantworldwide.com

So here there are briefly. Nurturer is champions of people, relational harmony, and values. Nurturers have a fear of conflict and often won’t speak out, they can be very silent. Creatives are champions of future ideas, innovation, and organizational integrity. Creatives can struggle to communicate effectively and have idealist perfectionist tendencies. Guardians are champions of due diligence, resources, and efficient systems and processes. Guardians are risk-averse, can be negative and bring excessive critique. Connectors are champion of relational networks, internal collaboration, and effective communication. Connectors always interpret the challenge of their ideas as personal. Pioneer are champions of strategic vision, results, and problem-solving. Pioneers lack sensitivity, can be unwilling to listen, and perceived as arrogant.

I don't know what kind of ideas come to mind about your leadership voice as you read the above. If you were to rank them, what order would yours be? My Leadership Voice is Nurturer, Creative, Connector, Guardian and last one that I struggle with so much is Pioneer. My natural tendency is always to be a Nurturer. Occasionally I am a Creative, and this is when I have a lot of ideas running through my little head, and I start wondering who I need to talk to. Who needs to know about my idea and how I can collaborate with someone to make the idea work, this is due to my 3^rd Connector Voice. I bet this is also driven by the fact that due to my Nurturer tendencies, I always feel my idea is not good enough until I struggle to appreciate it.

If you are wondering what all these means and would like to take a test to know your voice order, use this link https://5voices.com/assessment/. 

In case you want to understand more about your voice and what it means, do reach out to me. It's important that you learn to appreciate your tendencies and your voice and also appreciate other people's voices, so you know how to work together with people. I want to give a clear disclaimer here that, you won't know your voice by just one single online test. You will need to engage in a brutal self-examination continually. Ask the closest people to you what they think are your tendencies and keep being on the journey of self-awareness. Don’t always imagine you can reach a point where you fully know yourself. But it’s important that you start the journey of knowing yourself so that you can lead yourself and those around you.

www. giantworldwide.com

If this resonates with you, seek to discover your Leadership Voice. Look for a small community of friends who you can learn to do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of Self-Awareness.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be a small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.

Image Credits: http://www.businessmalawi.com

By

Gabriel Odhiambo Achayo.

Leadership, Life and Growth Coach, certified by Lifeforming Leadership Coach (www.lifeformingcoach.com)

Senior Consultant, GiANT Worldwide (www.giantworldwide.com)

Gabriel.achayo@giantworldwide.com

Country Coordinator, Africa Youth Leadership Forum, AYLF, Kenya

Men Vs. Women

 

 Image Credits: Men Vs. Women

This is a contentious topic, and I am not sure even where to start giving my opinion on it. First, I believe all men and women are human beings worthy of respect and honor. Women, as well as men, are specially endowed with unique abilities to thrive in their fields of interests. Occasionally I get into a conversation about what men can do women can do better. While this has some truth to it, it's not entirely accurate and should not, in any case, be used to make either gender look disadvantaged.

I acknowledge that we come from a place where women have been disadvantaged, treated unfairly and to a greater extent abused. It’s needless to say that men have equally faced their share of challenges. I would also like to state that as much as there should be no clear mandatory roles for men and women but as nature has it, there are things that women and only women enjoy and find pleasure in doing while there are things that men equally will be affirmed and validated if they are engaged in such. So the battle between the sexes is a misleading battle that is meant to attack the fabric of what our society is. To attack the harmony that will only be realized if there is cooperation between the genders in making the society a better place.

When you have women fighting to be like men and perform what men can do, am tempted to ask, who will do those duties that naturally they are wired to do. Who will do them? In turn, you find a confusion because 50% of the population is trying to be like the other 50% and hence an imbalanced society. A confused society where we can’t realize value from each other’s contribution.

Image Credits: Men Vs. Women

It's obvious that if you have a group of 3yr olds; boys and girls, observe how they behave and play their games, you will see a clear difference. This speaks into how different they are. And so trying to make them like the other is shooting ourselves on foot. Is deciding to make your right hand do what your left hand is meant to do. We need both the hands to bring in their best unique, valuable contribution to make the task fun, rewarding and productive. Granted, women are wired differently from us. And I dare say; women are more conscious of the fact that they are growing old every day that passes on compared to men. Men would like to imagine they are young forever. That's why women think more about what the future has, what are we doing now to secure a better future. Men, on the other hand, find joy in the fact that they can do something to impress the woman. So, is it not evident that we are better together. Not against each other or making the other feel useless.

After being married for close to 8 years now and God blessing us with two amazing boys. I have come to appreciate how best we can bring value to each other. My wife is not trying to be me and me not trying to be my wife, but with a clear understanding that we are all in this to make each other win. We are all striving for 100X marriage, not 100+. We are both fighting for the highest possible good of each other. A fantastic part of us being together has been the synergy we experience when it comes to serving God in the way he has given us the opportunity to. I clearly wouldn't be where I am if not for my wife. I keep telling her that a lot of people are committed to AYLF because of her. If it were not for her, some people wouldn’t have found value in AYLF. Am not just saying this to be politically (marriagically) correct, but you could ask a lot of AYLF ladies about this, and I would like to know their answers. Clearly, there is something unique that only my wife can do, I can't even try to replicate her, even if you took me to seminars, or workshops to learn it. It’s wired in her. I believe there are also things in AYLF that am good at and I can do them well. This makes us win in AYLF.

I don’t know about you but instead of wasting time looking for ways of outsmarting the opposite gender, I’d rather we spend our time in understanding what contribution can we bring to complement each other and focus on bringing that. This calls for being a secure person.

Image Credit: Men Vs. Women

This is a conversation worth advancing so we don't lose out our society in the name of achieving an elusive idea of being like the other. It's unfortunate that most people who push these gender conversations are people who are either struggling with failed marriages, are divorced or are single; not yet married. A better understanding of the roles of men and women is clearly understood in the context of a working marriage. A marriage between two adults who know why they are married and are committed to each other. Two adults who are fighting for the highest possible good of each other. These conversations need to be advanced by married people who are finding joy in being with their spouses and letting their spouses bring their best into the marriage. Not the other way round. And no act or law can legislate it enough. It’s a conversation that people who appreciate it are the ones who need to engage in it in order to move the needle.

If this resonates with you, go ahead to evaluate your understanding of the opposite gender. Find a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be a small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.

Image Credits: Men Vs. Women 

 By Gabriel Achayo. 

Life is not a set of to-do-list

Image Credit: http://seroton.ponderresearch.co/dolist/

To many of us, probably due to the nature of our jobs, we thrive in to do list. We are happy when at the end of a “successful” day we can check off all the boxes and go home happy because we achieved something. Well, this is great, but the question I ask is to what end? A to-do list so what? Yeah, you are happy you checked off all the boxes right, so what?

I'm currently on a trip and I like these trips mostly because I get to meet friends who ask me hard questions. Questions that have nothing with my to-do list, but with who am becoming. One of them is a great friend I respect who has committed his life to working with student leaders in the US. He is a man I totally admire and respect. He’s is my mentor who as much as I don’t meet often and sometimes I never get to spend a lot of time with him as I would like to, I learn a lot from him.

On Tuesday 15th January 2019, I got a chance to meet him, after catching up, he asks me how is my marriage? This is a hard and easy question at the same time. But I have known him enough to know that just saying my marriage is “good” is not enough. So I start by saying my wife might have a different take on this question. I then go ahead and share with him a learning experience that I have been through. What my latest learning opportunities have been in order to make my wife happy and make our marriage what I hope it can be. I could have gone ahead and given him a list of things we have been doing, e.g. dinner dates, taking care of our boys, coming home early etcetera. As much as these are good and we probably need to be able to do them, but if it’s just a mental do to list where we are checking in boxes to say look how good a husband I am. I do this; I do that, I don't do this, I don't hurt my wife intentionally, I don't cheat on my wife etcetera, so what? Anyone can do that, and as Jesus said it, even the pagans do them.

Our conversation went further to reflect on how as Christians, we are always quick to answer a related question by a to-do list. How are you doing in your faith? We go ahead and list things; I pray, I attend a bible study, I don’t fornicate, I don’t steal and on and on. We can make a whole list. But the question is, so what? Anyone one can do that. This is a mental list. This list might have nothing to do with our hearts. Am not saying we don’t need to do them. They should be a manifestation of what is happening in our hearts. They should be as a result of what Jesus is doing in our lives. They should be the fruits of what we are becoming.

Following Jesus is not about a checklist of some nice things you are doing and those you are not doing. It’s a relationship. It’s about your heart, the core of who you are becoming rather than what you are doing. Now, this doesn't in any way mean you are perfect; it just means that our actions don’t make us righteous, but our broken and contrite spirit please Jesus, and that's righteousness. The good book says a righteous man falls seven times, but he rises up again. That makes Jesus come through and walk the journey with us. It moves the heart of Jesus because he knows we are seeking to relate with him is a deeper way. Not on a checklist.

How is your journey with Jesus like? Over and above the checklist that you may be avoiding to think of now, what has been your learning opportunity, your experience in growing in love with Jesus and those around you.

If this resonates with you, take time to evaluate how you live out your life. Look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s life experiences.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be a small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.

Image Credits: http://www.walkingwithgiants.net/church/small-groups/how-to-kill-a-small-group-discussion/

By Gabriel Achayo.