Diversity and Friendship

Image Credit: https://www.iconfinder.com/icons/3918101/charity_community_diversity_friendship_group_people_teamwork_icon

I believe those who walk away because of differences or conflicts were probably never friends in the first place.

Never sacrifice who you are, who you have become for a friendship. However, true friendship will never ask you to make that choice. True friendship will never be based on conditions that we have to agree or else. The minute this condition is spelled out and made clear to everyone, you need to evaluate what you call friendship. It might be a friendship of convenience.

Friendship can be tricky in the face of conflict, disagreement, misunderstanding, especially when dealing with those we consider true friends. The tendency is we may choose to walk away. Walking away may be necessary to cool off from the heat of the moment, but whether we come back or not is determined by the depth of our friendship. Are we at a level where we can rise above our difference, value the difference, and still be friends? 

Image Credits: https://thenerdytheologian.com/2016/08/26/unity-is-not-uniformity/

We are not expected to be uniform in thought and opinion, be they political or religious or any other. Our diversity should help us appreciate and embrace each other. This is a high level of maturity. Unity doesn’t necessarily mean uniformity. Many of us find it hard to work with people who are different from us. I like the saying, “if two people have the same opinion on every matter, the other person is irrelevant.” Unfortunately, we always want people who cheer us and follow us blindly; those who don’t tell us the other side of the story. So we live our life on a single story which is driven by us. This is a dangerous life. I know of some people who are very good at appreciating other opinions that don't go in line with theirs. These people have the capacity to overcome most challenges because they can learn from others.

Sometime last year, I met a friend who told me a story of how they were thinking of coming together to do a joint project that all of them agreed on was for the good of young people in leadership. This was a promising program with great potential to do a lot. As they continued to meet and discuss the idea, differences arose, mainly driven by interests. These differences were so much that they couldn't move forward. The continuity of the project was hanging on a balance because this friend and his colleagues couldn’t deal with their difference. As a result, one of them had to walk away. Unfortunately, their friendship was greatly affected by this move. To date, they seem to be still not able to talk as friends.

In a desire to appreciate the difference, we should also not be too naïve to accommodate everything that we don’t agree with. We have had friends that we realize that being committed to them is not going to add value to whatever path we find ourselves in. As much as we like them, but our paths are not the same. In such a case, no one will blame you for walking away. But if you are all on the same path, don't jeopardize the whole path because of the differences you might experience in the journey.

In Africa Youth Leadership Forum, AYLF, one of our focus is Friendship as one of our conversation themes and also a value we push. Not just mere accidental friendship but an intentional friendship. We like to use the phrase, a Family of Friends when we refer to what we are working on. We believe that if we get to a point where we are intentional and genuinely have love among us, then we can rise above some of the challenges that in most cases, drive the differences between us. Some of these differences are tribal, religion, regional, class, gender, etc. If we can overcome these differences, we can together work in building each other and fight for the highest possible good in the lives on each other and those we lead.

Is there a friendship you walked away from on the basis of a difference that you could have intentionally dealt with? How are you in handling different opinions from yours?

If this resonates with you, go ahead to evaluate your friendship. Then look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It's about building a community of friends to share each other's journey being true friends.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement, and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be as small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.

WHO (Willingness, Humility and Obedience)

https://www.uni-koblenz-landau.de/en/university/organization/administration/service-and-information

I believe willingness, humility, and obedience is critical for a heart to Service.

Any act that is done without willingness, humility, and obedience, is not Service but performance, a routine action, a show-off, another box ticked.

Willingness is a decision we have to make. Doing something unwillingly though sometimes that is always the case may not give us much joy and satisfaction. But if we can find a way to do something willingly, we find joy, happiness, and meaning that is beyond this world's comprehension.

Service offered in humility is true Service. Anything done contrary to this hurts the recipient as much as it doesn't in any way benefit the performer of the act. Humility is in most cases misunderstood and taken for granted. It doesn't mean someone is a doormat; it means valuing others around you. It means not seeing yourself as more important than those around you. A humble person is one who is more interested in others than in themselves. She/he isn't more about their ego. Someone who is about the greater good rather than their own needs. Someone who recognizes that which is true, God is God, and I am not God, and that's who I am, and if he gave me a skill, he gave me a skill if he didn't, he didn't. Humility isn't thinking less about yourself but is thinking about yourself less — not a lack of self-confidence.

Obedience is key. We all have the freedom to obey or disobey. We are told that's it's more beneficial to obey than to sacrifice. Some of us might look like we are obeying, but genuinely we are not. We are simply complying. Maybe our environment doesn't encourage the spirit of obedience. A worst-case scenario for this is disobedience; rebellion. For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Some of us are generally rebellious in everything. I personally have tendencies of rebellion. It’s however important to note that we don’t have to say YES to everything and anything that is brought our way. God has given us a mind, and we have been wisely blessed so that we can know that which is to be obeyed and maybe not obeyed. The question is how many times do you always disobey something simply because you don't like the person saying it, or the way it's said, or you have your own, or you don't see how you benefit from it. What makes you justify your disobedience in some cases? You might be wondering then what is the meaning of obedience. Well, the basic dictionary definition I just googled is compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another's authority. But I believe it goes deeper than that, to be engaged and fully be part of something that you have agreed with others or God has revealed to you that you need to do. Something that has been clearly defined as a way of life and that needs to be done for the highest possible good of those around you.

We are called to serve each other, whether at home; family, teams you are engaged within something, organization or community. As a husband and a father, I need to serve my wife and my two boys. The only way to really find this life meaningful is if you offer yourself to serve others. No matter what level of engagement. This could be through doing something for others, speaking on behalf of others, standing in the gap for others, representing others in spaces where they probably are not able to, etc. Service to mankind in whatever form is Service to God. Any service I willingly offer in humility and obedience to my wife and sons is to God. You can't claim to serve God if you are not serving those around you, humanity. As much as we all want to be served and fill nice when someone serves us, we ought to serve willingly, with great humility and in obedience.

In Africa Youth Leadership Forum, AYLF, we are committed to raising up people who will serve others in different spheres of influence. Our work with young leaders is to help them realize that they ought to give up themselves in service for others. Serve the least of these in their communities. This is what we mean when we say we are nurturing a new breed of leaders; a new breed of people who commit to truly serve those around them. Serve with willingness, humility and in obedience.

If this resonates with you, seek to genuinely serve. Look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It's about building a community of friends to share each other's journey of serving those around you willingly, in humility and obedience.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create a support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be as small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.

Image Credits: http://www.wca-sa.org

 by Gabriel Achayo.

Parachute Mind

https://emilywrenblog.wordpress.com/2013/01/30/a-mind-is-like-a-parachute-it-doesnt-work-if-it-isnt-open-frank-zappa/

I believe the mind is like a parachute; it works better when it's open.

Our mind is a crucial part of our being. We hear of statements of people losing their minds and being unreasonable. We are called upon not to conform to the patterns of this world but to be transformed by the renewal of our minds. The mind that doesn't get renewedor sharpened will remain dull and unhelpful. A closed up mind can't be renewed. You only renew the mind if it's able to unlearn and learn. A closed up mind is like a pond with no outlet or inlet. It smells, and you start experiencing the negativity that it has. The kind of a mind that thinks it knows all and no one can influence it.On the other hand, an open mind is influenceable. A mind that is influenceable is the one that can influence. An open mind is the one that can add value to the bearer and those who interact with it.

I believe the secret to success and happiness in this life is to have an open mind. An open mind to receive and interact with new ideas, to interact with people without being judgmental. We lose out a lot if we operate from the point of being too rigid, closed in our thinking, my way or the highway kind of thinking and always thinking that you are the smartest guy in the room and that no one can say anything. I have come to appreciate that a mind that is like a sponge, ready to take in and also to give as much as it can, stays healthy, clean and fresh. A mind that remains open to all possibilities can fly high and go places.

https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/239892

I have encountered people who are so rigid, who are hung up on their way of thinking and give no room for any other thought. Unfortunately, some of these have been people very close to me, and their actions have affected me in ways that I find very unfortunate. Mostly what I have found is due to someone’s ego, they are not willing to be responsive and to let others speak into their lives or listen to others around them. You find someone working so hard to justify their point or defend themselves or rubbish others. An open mind is secure, confident and humble. It's a mind that is free, that is healthy. Unfortunately, most of us find ourselves dragged into moments of insecurities, arrogance, and pride that make us not want to give room to others to influence the perception or the way we think about issues. We would rather die than admit that we are wrong and need to listen to another opinion. It even becomes harder if this opinion is coming from someone we consider to be lesser than us, whatever the case.

www.giantworldwide.com

My extended family is currently going through trouble in what I might say is due to closed mindsets. The two main people who could make things better have refused to be influenced in any way. Everyone has their stand, and they are holding on to it no matter what. I believe in knowing what you want and being stubborn to pursue it, but if it’s at the expense of others who your actions affect negatively, then you need to reevaluateyour stand. If it’s making those you claim to be doing it for suffer, to what end then? Especially if it involves a child who is entirely depended on you. This doesn’t mean you become a doormat; it just means you become the bigger person and wisely act in the long-term best interest of those around you. This is easier said than done, but when you choose to examine your actions and your thoughts, you will in most cases know what you ought to do however tough that might be for you.

Are you open-minded? Are you secure, confident and humble? Are you free, healthy and fresh in your mind? Are you responsive or resistant?

If this resonates with you, examine yourself on whether you are mostly open minded or too stubborn on issues that affect you and others. Look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of interrogating whether you are responsive or resistant.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be as small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.

Image Credits: https://www.goodfreephotos.com

By Gabriel Achayo

See, Do, Get

I believe our life experiences form a grid through which we filter everything we see, feel and hear.

Everyone has a story, a past, an experience whether positive or negative; it plays a vital role in our lives. It's significant for the present and our future. It gives us our present worldview. It determines our paradigm, how we filter, feel, perceive or see things. This has a significant influence on how our destiny is shaped. It's important to know that what we see, determines what we do, which further determines what we get. This, in turn, determines what we see, what we do and what we get, and the circle continues. It's important to be very intentional in this circle to really interrogate what you see. What informs it and what does it mean to you, before you are quick to do something about it. Once you do something, be sure to get an outcome. It might be too late to change things once you do something about what you see.

I have had people make comments or adopt different kinds of belief, and it's all informed by what they see or perceive which is primarily determined by their past experience. Some of our past experience might be things we had no control over while others might be things we probably could control. Whatever you see might be mainly due to your nature, nurture or the choices you have made over the years. It's important to interrogate your past and know which ones are as a result of nature, nurture and choice. Nature is what is really you, your type, your DNA, that which is hard-wired in you. You can't change this whether you like it or not. Should you decide to change it, it might be costly hence not worth it. Nurture is what is external that has influenced you — your schooling, beliefs, mentors, parenting, childhood experiences, etc. Choices, on the other hand, are the things you have knowingly or unknowingly decided to do, be part of; those things you have gotten the opportunity to make a choice on. They are primarily determined by your nature and nurture. But you can also rise above your nature and nurture to make a superior choice on how you want to see things in your life.

www.giantworldwide.com

Knowing that as much as you might not like some aspect of your nurture or nature, and wish you could change it; which is not possible, it's important, you get to understand it and decide how to respond to it. If you have been reading all the articles I have been writing, you probably by now know that my father died when I was 11 years old and that indeed changed a lot in my life and my siblings. Our lives were never the same again. Recently, those past issues have come back, so strong and influencing my present, that I'm at a point I'm wondering how to respond to them. Being the 1^st born, a lot of things get thrown my way and some of them I always have no idea what to say or do. I have an option of hiding my head in the sand like the proverbial ostrich and wishing everything away, wish that nothing is happening or it won’t affect me. That I can shield myself and my children from it all. Or make a choice to do something within my abilities. Sitting with a friend recently to talk about these issues made it clear that as much as it's confusing, stressful, complicated, I need to do something bold. It's going to heavy on me, but I have to do it. Start small, and do it. Hopefully, I will get a different outcome that will give me another experience, that I can build on to do something again and maybe God will come through, and things will change in a way that only God knows. My role now is to irrespective of what is clear that I see and I don't like; I need to do something. I'm committed to this.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/41658365277029664/

What do you see in your life? How has your past influenced it? What are you going to do about it? It's time if you are at a point where I got, confused, fatigued, frustrated, etc, you decided to do something about it. Think of starting small.

If this resonates with you, choose to do something about your situation. Look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of interrogating what you see and how your past has influenced it, then deciding to do something about your life; being intentional.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be as small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.

Image Credits: https://www.goodfreephotos.com

By Gabriel Achayo

SO WHAT?

http://www.courtingthecompany.com/2015/11/08/so-what/

I believe efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.

It's a great thing to put in a lot of effort and have great courage in life's issues and decisions. Life has a way of bringing a lot on our way that needs us to operate beyond our normal curve, to put in more effort. We are expected to show courage in situations that could exhibit fear or cowardice. However, it's of great importance to note that for significance and meaning in this life, we need some sense of purpose and direction so that our efforts are not like beating the air. It's called being SMART. This I believe is the source of joy and happiness in this life. Without purpose and direction, as we could be doing is like using a reed basket to gather water.

I grew up being encouraged to always work hard. I picked on that, and I really did. I buried myself in books. Was a good student and performed well to pursue a degree in Mechanical Engineering from the University of Nairobi. All this was great, and I encourage everyone to just do that; put in effort and work at what you do with courage. I have met a lot of people who are hard workers, who are courageous and are giving it their best. The question I ask and I continue to even ask myself is “So what?" I think it's in vain to wake up early and go to bed late if there is no sense of a big "WHY."

https://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photos-5-why-methodology-concept-image27809453

In my experience of working with people, I have seen those who have a sense of purpose and direction live life with self-drive, motivation and are more joyous as opposed to those who don’t. It doesn’t mean that they have a smooth ride in life. They for sure will equally experience tough times, moments of uncertainty and even questions themselves, but what makes them keep on is a belief in their hearts that they are involved in something much bigger than probably themselves. Their commitment to a certain destiny, a future that they hope for. This makes them think differently and stay hopeful.

When I finished campus in 2008, I started working with young men in Kawangware slums. I did this project for eight years. This project was a fulfilling experience. I had a sense of purpose, and I knew what I did every day meant something to someone. I would wake up in the morning, go an extra mile and never complain because I believed in the idea of giving these young men a second chance to life. An opportunity to make their lives count for something. I look back and as much as the project closed and I feel bad about that, I’m grateful I did it. I’m grateful for that season of my life. It had meaning and purpose. If I had no purpose and was just spending time, I'm not sure how I would have managed to work in that community for the eight years I did.

https://blog.4tests.com/15-career-readiness-questions-every-student-ask/

This in itself doesn't mean that you have to do something in the same line to feel that you have a sense of purpose. You could be working in the field of IT, Engineering, government, etc. The question is "So what?" What's your big WHY for that path? Are you just putting in effort and courage to no end? Why wake up in the morning, spend your energy and time in something that means nothing to you. I know sometimes circumstances push us to do things we are not happy to, but at the end of the day, “SO WHAT?”

If this resonates with you, ask yourself the question, “SO WHAT?” Look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of interrogating this life-transforming question.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be as small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.

Image Credits: https://www.goodfreephotos.com

Consistency and Opportunities

https://lwccyork.com/blog/long-obedience-in-the-same-direction/

I believe opportunities will open for those who are consistent.

Opportunity is a word we all love using and like to embrace. An opportunity to grow ourselves, to transform your present circumstances, to be better, etc. It's worth appreciating that opportunities are always around us, but we fail to notice them due to too many distractions in this life or societal expectations or in pursuit of instant gratification.

Being consistent is very key towards success. Consistency in character, direction, and dreams in life leads you to the opportunities available for you in that same direction. The most important and valuable thing in this life is a consistency in the same direction as this yields and has always yielded at the end of it something significant and worth living for. This is not an easy thing. The pressures of this life have a way of distracting us to other shiny objects or instant needs.

I recently was reminded that AYLF Kenya had been around for 11 years. I was shocked that I have been on this journey for 11 years now. It has not been easy. There are moments that I felt like giving up. I looked for other avenues to put food on the table or to meet the societal pressure. Sometimes I struggled even to clearly explain to someone what I do. But one of the things that kept me going was that I found someone who believed in me. I had to walk under his mentorship. There are things I had to hold back. Moments I felt like my needs were not being met and that if I could do things my way, maybe I would get stuff as I want them. I would write emails to my mentor complaining about an instant need or some pressure I'm going through. He never had all the answers I wanted but what he would offer is his belief in me. That way, I was able to trust God in my own way. God came through in some cases, some cases probably not as I had hoped for and some cases, I wasn’t even sure what God was doing, but I kept on. I'm still on the journey, and I trust God that AYLF is on the right path. I have since gotten other opportunities to build myself and be able to find how to address my ever-increasing needs. The journey continues, and I'm forever grateful to everyone who has made this journey worth it to this point.

What I have learned and I continue to learn is being consistent and how that is rewarding in the long run. People start associating you with something. You are able to access some opportunities and find yourself in some spaces that you wouldn’t have thought of. You find people coming along to walk with you because they now see the point. They realize that what you have been doing or talking about is really worth it. They can now listen to you because they see what you are about, the price you have paid and what you have done.

https://www.klonblog.com/2013/09/06/handlettering-zitate-fuer-kreative-von-sean-mccabe/

I would like to issue a caution though, sticking on something just for the sake of it is dangerous though. The question maybe you need to continually ask yourself are; Is it working? Do I enjoy doing it? These two questions can be very hard, but they are worth attempting. Something could be working, but you don't enjoy it, what would make you keep doing it? Is it worth it? Or if you enjoy it, but it’s not working, then maybe you should think hard about it.

What is the one thing you enjoy doing and can work, be consistent in it? Even if you will have to say no to some pressure, do so. Be teachable, be influenceable, find someone who believes in you and is consistent. The big break will come, and you will be grateful you never gave up.

If this resonates with you, seek to be consistent in character, direction, and dreams. Look for a small community of friends who you can learn to do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of consistency.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be as small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you…

Image Credits: http://www.businessmalawi.com

By Gabriel Achayo

Success & Significance

http://inspiringbetterlife.blogspot.com/2011/11/feeling-insignificant-redefining.html

I believe obedience to your conscience transcends all definitions of our world’s understanding of success.

Success is great, sweet and we all want it. No one is looking forward to failure, and as we know it, success has many fathers. But of higher value is significance. Significance is derived from our value system. Our conscience informs our value system. It's important to strive to have a clear conscience when faced by situations that could be tempting. A clear conscience is worth more than what this world can offer. It's the peace of mind. When you can sleep in peace, eat in peace, walk on the street in peace, that's what this is all about. This world and its materialism can't offer that to you.

In this day and age, we are looking for material things. We are willing to do what it takes to get what they want. We have a generation that is living a plastic life. Social media has even made it worse. We post things that we very well know is not true, but we want people to see an image of us. We wake up to create a perception of who we should be. We are all caught up in a bubble. Some fantasy out there. Where is the courage to own our stories? To embrace who we are so we can work on who we want to be. That’s why we get conned, taken for granted, used by people to achieve their own success why we remain wounded and hurt.

I once had a chat with a senior friend who told me that in life, we seem to be caught up in the following; Success, significance, then submission. We go out doing whatever we can to gain success; once we get it, we remember we need to be significant, then we realize we are out of strength and now have to submit to those around us to help us even do the basics of this life. This is if you are lucky to live long enough. I'd rather you get caught up in significance because it does come with its twin; success.

I have a bachelor’s degree in Mechanical Engineering. I’m glad I went through the process. It formed me and set me on a path that became my story. On the early days of building AYLF Kenya, I received a number of offers for good jobs. Tempting offers that would have changed my life. I remember attending an interview only to reach there and be told that they forgot they had set up an interview for me. Weird, isn’t it? I went all dressed up, ready to convince these guys to give me the engineering job since the AYLF story was not working. They told me they would contact me about the interview. I'm glad they have never contacted me. I sent out a few more applications which I wonder if they were being received or it was just not meant to be. There are a number of interviews that for one reason or another never happened. I wonder if I went on pursuing an engineering career. Maybe I would be successfully, perhaps not. But what I know, I have a lot of joy and satisfaction when I get back home after a long day spent in figuring out about AYLF and related issues. I derive significance in doing this. It's been a journey worth taking, and I'm still on it. God has blessed me with material things that I used to wish I would get. I know He has so much in store for me. I sometimes wonder what God is up to when he exposes me to things that I had not even imagined.

https://www.proctorgallagherinstitute.com/8947/the-road-to-significance

This might make sense to you or not. But if you find yourselves caught up in the race of pursuing success so that one day you will be significant, I invite you to rethink that approach. This does not mean you abandon your career, but how can you pursue your career in a more significant way. In a way that is driven by your conscience and value system. Inspired by what you believe in. This will call you to be obedient to your conscience, assuming you care about it.

If this resonates with you, seek to obey your conscience. Look for a small community of friends who you can do this together with. Being accountable to a few and practicing with a few. It’s about building a community of friends to share each other’s journey of significant by obeying their conscience.  You have to be deeply committed to each other and desire to see each other grow in this journey. You have to create support, encouragement and accountability platform for each other. The community has to be as small as possible so that there is active engagement by all involved.

Find a community around you and see if these conversations make sense to you.